Barbara C Hoag.com

It was October 1968. I loaded my little Chevy up with everything I thought I might need. I bought a warm winter coat and hat and heavy mittens and some boots. I could not knit at this point in my life. I took my sewing machine and sewing tools so I could make some cloths if I needed them. Then I kissed my parents goodbye and headed for Yellowstone Park. I had never driven so far by myself. I had maps of Idaho and Montana so that I would not get lost and off I went. I can’t remember exactly when I got there but I think it was just before Halloween.

I arrived with no idea of where I was supposed to be. I was supposed to report to the Hotel at Mammoth Hot Springs located at the North entrance to the park. I finally found someone who seemed to be expecting me and they set me up in the Hotel for a couple of days and then I was moved to some rooms above the Restaurant where I would be working. There was a girls dormitory  above the restaurant. I had a room to myself and then they put another girl in with me. This was another girl that had worked with me in Grand Canyon and I was not to happy to have to room with her. For some reason I got it into my head that I did not like her but I was taught a lesson that if you give people a chance most of the time you can find a common ground. We turned into pretty good friends.

I was put to work as a waitress in the restaurant. I would get up early in the morning and walk across the parking lot to open and it was so cold my nose would stick together and it felt like my lungs would freeze if I breathed too deeply. The roads into the park were closed and everyone was getting ready for winter. Mammoth Hot Springs was kept open to service the snowmobile-rs and the company offered snowmobile tours into the park. Everyone started to celebrate when it started to snow. Without the snow there would be no tours. I soon learned that during the week we had no customers. I would open the restaurant and a few of the Park employees would come in for coffee and breakfast. Then later they would come back for coffee breaks and sometimes we would serve a little lunch and then a few dinners but during the week it was really sloooooooow. Then it started to snow and snow and snow. My poor California car was not used to this cold weather and I am afraid I did not do a very good job of taking care of my poor little car. More about that later.

The Hotel started to bring in tours. Mostly on the weekends. By Thanksgiving we were getting pretty busy. The restaurant would set up a buffet on the weekends so as waitresses we served drinks and cleaned up plates. But there was time to talk to some of the guests it was fun. At one point they asked me if I would work in the bar and serve drinks. There were not enough waitresses that were over 21. I thought, what the heck, it was a chance to make more money in tips. The company hired some of the girls from Gardner, Montana, a little town just North of Mammoth. One of the girls was Phyllis Mack. She worked in the Bar with me. She was always talking about her brother. She thought I should go out with him. It was right around Valentines Day. We had a big party at the restaurant and after we cleaned up she talked me into going with her and some other men down to Gardner to party some more. Please remember I was still a small town girl. I really did not know what to expect. We ended up in another Bar and one of the guys was getting kind of handy. I wanted to go home and he kind of grabbed me and Frank (Pyllis’ Brother) stepped in and told him he would take me home and to leave me alone. I really had not officially meet him but I was grateful that he stood up for me. Me took me back to my dorm and asked if he could call me. I said yes.

The season was winding down. I had no plans. School did not hold any appeal for me. I felt like I had no real skills and going back to Cedar did not seem like a very good idea. I did not want to live off my parents. Then some people came to Grand Canyon and said that they were here to offer anyone who wanted a Job in Yellowstone Park they would hire us for the winter in Yellowstone and then we could come back to the parks in Utah as supervisors or managers. That sounded good to me. A couple of the girls I was rooming with said that they would go too. We closed the store and the cafeteria. I headed back to Cedar and started to get ready to go to Yellowstone. My Mother was not happy with this idea. In looking back I think this is about the only time that I remember that she did not support what I had decided to do. I was determined to go. It turned out that the other girls changed their minds and did not go. So I headed off by myself.

I will close this chapter for now. Next the Yellowstone adventure begins.

I left California, left the first grown up job I ever had, left the first serious relationship, but I gained an aching heart, a feeling of failure, and an old 58 Chevy.

Got back to Cedar at loose ends. I hooked up with Phyllis Davis a friend from Drama Club. She was busy with Shakespeare Festival and gave me some tasks to do. I realized I needed a paying job and the only place I could think that I could get a job was with the Parks. I stayed with Festival until they were about finished for the summer and then I applied at the Parks. A few days later they called and offered me a job at Grand Canyon North Rim Store. Since I had a car I drove myself and checked in. The Store is about 2 miles from the main lodge and the employees stayed in little cabins. I was put in a cabin with four other girls. I found out after I got there that one of the reasons they wanted me was because I was over 21 and they had gotten into trouble for letting clerks who were under 21 sell beer. So one of my main responsibilities was to be the official beer seller. The store was stocked with a few groceries and souvenir items aimed at the campers. I really enjoyed working there. I learned a little bit about indian jewelery and rugs and because I was an employee we got a little discount. Because it was a small store we could talk to the customers and flirt with the boys. Since I had a car we could takes runs into Kanab if we wanted to.

One day about 4 guys came into the store to buy some beer. I made them show me Id’s and they teased me. One of the guys was really cute. They were all from Idaho and were working down in the Canyon building a bridge that had been damaged over the winter. They had hiked out of the canyon and wanted to go to the bar that was on the border of Arizona and Utah. They wanted me and a couple of the other girls to go with them. They were so cute and I thought what the heck. They had a truck and we all piled in and away we went. I get myself into these situations and then I realize that I really shouldn’t be there so I try to fake it. But they were funny and it was fun. We made it back and they had to go back down the canyon. About a week or so later there they were again. Ready to party. One of the boys seemed to really like me. I was flattered. I don’t remember the exact time line but at one point I found out the guy who ran the mules was taking some supplies down to them and I begged to go along. I rode the mules down the canyon to their work site and spent a little bit of time with them then we headed back up the canyon. Another time I found out a man that flew a Helicoper was taking some supplies down to them and I begged a ride. This time he left me and I had to spend the night. Shocking! They did not expect me but they were glad to see me. At least I think they were. Anyway they told me I had to make dinner so they left me alone to figure up what to make for these boys I really had never used a camp stove and I really did not know how they worked. But I figured something out and they said it was great. We sat around and talked and laughed. Then they found a place for me to sleep and in the morning I hiked out of the canyon by myself. Ok I never said I was very smart. I did some rather silly things. But these are really kind of fun memories.

Ok, I had a job, I had a steady boy friend. I thought life was good and it was. Wes took me to many places. He loved Country Western Music as it was called way back then and he introduced me to the real Country Music. I knew who Glenn Campbell was and Johnny Cash, and some of the others but he knew them all. He took me to a little club to see Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs. They played the theme for the Beverly Hillbillies. That’s all I knew but they were fantastic musicians it was a wonderful concert. A few times we went to some concerts that had several artists perform just a few of their songs. I can not remember all of them but I do remember seeing Johnny Cash and June Carter, (This was before they got married) and Glenn Campbell. He took me to a concert with Jimmy Dean, and one with Pat Boone. We went to Disneyland a couple of times and Griffith Park Observatory. One day we took the ferry to Catalina Island. He was in the National Guard and he had to spend some weekends and a couple of weeks doing Guard stuff.

Politically he was very conservative and most of his ideas were pretty much how I felt. I really thought we were in sync. He was always talking about a small town in Northern California that he really liked and someday he wanted to live there. Christmas 1967 he proposed and gave me a ring.

Tauna and I had moved to a smaller and cheaper apartment. Tensions between us were getting more strained. I thought we would be friends forever. But she was having a hard time keeping a job and paying her share of the rent and food expenses. Wes helped me find a used car to buy. It was a 1956 Chevy. I got a loan from the Credit Union through my work so I could buy the car. So I had transportation. That was good because the girl I was riding with was getting tired of being my chauffeur.

Finely Tauna and I had a big fight about what I can not remember. But I found a new apartment and moved out. Wes and I talked or saw each other every day. He would invite me over to his house and I really liked his parents and I think they liked me to. I thought every thing was moving along fine. Wes agreed to talk to the Missionaries but that did not go very well. He was not receptive. I was so naive I thought that anyone who listened to the missionaries would be touched by the spirit and be converted. But of course that is not the case. It takes an open heart and a willing spirit and sometimes it takes a long time. I was young and I wanted it Now.

I felt like I was really “in love” but as summer approached, Wes kept talking about going to Northern California for the summer. But to me it sounded like he was making plans without me. I tried to get him to explain what he was thinking but to no good. I finely decided that this was not going to work and I had no reason to stay. I myself had not kept in touch with the Church and I had no friends outside of Wes. If he left I would be all alone. I made the decision to break off the engagement, quit my job and move back home. (Note to any parents. You think they have left home for good, But they always come back. Count on it.)

I made arrangements for my parents to come and help me move back home. Spring 1968.

We finally arrived in Los Angeles and Danny DeGraw and his Mother met us at the train station. She took us to her home in Hawthorn. It was just a couple of days before the New Year so we went to the Stake Young Adult Singles New Years Eve Party. As soon as we could, we started looking for an apartment. We didn’t have any furniture so we were looking for furnished apartments. We finally found something that we thought was wonderful. The apartment complex even had a pool. But since it was winter the pool was not open. Then we started looking for jobs. We read the paper and tried to find things like receptionists. We really had no job skills. Tauna had worked as a waitress at Zion and I had cleaned cabins and worked in the snack shop. After we had been there just a few weeks Tauna’s sister asked if she could come and stay with us while she went to some Doctor appointments. She was having some serious problems with her eyes and the Lions Club in Cedar City sponsored her to see some specialist in LA. So we soon had another roommate. Things were starting to get a little tense. Neither one of us had found a job and money was starting to get short.

I finally went to a private employment agency and they sent me on a few interviews and one was with a drug company that had a warehouse and shipped prescription drugs all over the west. I was hired to stand all day in front of a long tub full of IBM punch cards. Each card represented a different drug. I would get the order and pull the cards for that order and send it back to the punch card room and they would run the cards through the punch card reader and print up the order to send back to the warehouse. It was challenging and fun to have a real job. One of the girls that worked there lived close to me and agreed to pick me up for work. I found out that the bus does not go everywhere. It did not go were I needed to go to get to work. So I had a way to work and then another girl asked me if I would like to met her boy friends brother. He had a Masters Degree from UCLA and was a CPA. He was working for a large accounting firm. And he was tall. How could I say no. His name was Wes Harder and he called me and made a date. I think we went to a movie the first time. He was taller than me and he had dark hair and he was pretty good looking; not too good looking to intimidate me but nice to look at. We seemed to get along very well. He started coming around on a regular basis. Tauna finally got a job and we were finally able to make the rent and buy food. Life seemed to be clicking along pretty well. After I had worked for about three months I qualified for some medical insurance and I went to a Dentist and he told me I needed to have my wisdom teeth out. Wes picked me up and took me. He was becoming quite an important part of my life.

Tauna was seeing quite bit of Danny DeGraw. We would go to the local Singles Ward but since neither one of us had transportation it was getting kind of hard to get to Church. Wards are not on every other corner in Los Angeles. Wes was not a member of the Church and he did not know very much about Mormons. He had some preconceived ideas and I tried to talk to him about it. He agreed to talk to the Missionaries but after that he was not very receptive. On the next visit he brought a bunch of anti Mormon books and the missionaries tried to talk to him but his mind was closed. He stilled liked me and his parents liked me. I Went with him to the Church that he said he went to. But no one seemed to know him and thinking about it now I realize he did not really belong to a Church the way I did. He was not ready to open his heart.

He had told me that he loved me and I figured I was in love too. No one had ever said that they loved me. I was so vulnerable. I was so hungry to be in love and get married and start a family. I had the romanticised idea that if we got married he would see how wonderful the church was and would embrace it and gain a testimony. I now know that was foolish and not the way things happen in the real world.

Let’s go back to 1966. OK, California. Whatever possessed us?

Tauna and I got it into our heads that we needed to take a break from school. Neither one of us felt like we knew what we wanted to do. What was school going to do for us. I personally could not think of anything that continuing in college would do for me that just getting a good job could not do. I was having the same feelings that I felt when I wanted to leave home and go to Wyoming. I thought all I needed was a change of scene and new opportunities. I felt stifled in Cedar City. I wanted new horizons.

Tauna had made friends with two brothers from California and one of the brothers was on a mission and due to come home in the next year. She really liked him and had been writing to him. So we figured that the best thing to do would be to go to California and be there when he returned. My parents were not in favor of the scheme but I guess they decided that I needed to make this choice myself. I had saved some money from my summer job and we figured we had enough to get us set up with an apartment and food until we could get jobs. We had confidence that we would find jobs and be self supporting within a couple of months. Tauna wrote to her friends Mother and she agreed to pick us up from the train and let us stay at her house until we could find an apartment. We thought we would be able to take the bus anywhere we wanted to go in Las Angeles. We made a lot of assumptions about how we were going to get around and how we were going to live and eat and work. Welcome to the real World.

I had talked Tauna into coming to live at our house so she could save money by not living in the dorms. It was really fun to have her there. I felt like she was the first real friend I had ever had. We seemed to like everything the same and we did everything together. I think she really kind of liked my brother Doug but he would not give her the time of day. I remember her saying to me as we were going to bed. “Barbara talk to me so that I can go to sleep.” So we would talk until we were asleep. Then her sister needed her to come and stay with her for a time. So she left and I continued to make our plans and arrangements to go to California.

We thought it would be romantic to take the train. So I bought the tickets and we were scheduled to go three days before the first of the year. In order to get the train we had to go to Minersville which is about 40 miles northwest of Cedar City.  Then the train did not come until about 11pm. OK, remember this is in the winter and Minersville is a very small town out in the middle on nowhere. But I digress. We had Christmas and a lot of the presents I got were for my California adventure. I think Kathy and Jim and their two little girls came for the day and we had a nice family time.

Then it was getting close to time. I had not heard from Tauna for a few weeks and I was getting a little nervous that she might not show up. But as arranged she came and we made our final preparations to go. My Dad drove us to Minnersville and it was snowing and cold. When we got there the train was delayed and it was not scheduled to arrive for several more hours. My Dad unloaded us and left us in the train station to wait for our ride. Then he was gone and there we were sitting in this little train station that was not very warm and it was snowing and we had hours to wait. But surprise, who should show up but this boy we had known from Zions. I don’t remember how we happened to hook up with him but he saw us and he took us for a ride around Minnersville. We got back to the station in time for the train and then we were finally on our way to California. I had never been on a train and it was mesmerizing to look out the window. At one point I remember seeing a Christmas tree all lit up sitting out in the middle of a field. It looked very lonely. We were able to sleep a little and then we were passing through Las Vegas. And then on to California.

When school ended for the Spring of 1966 I prepared to go to Zion for the Summer. We got there before the Lodge officially opened for the summer. My job was as a cabin maid again and I was not happy about that. I don’t remember how I did it but I managed to get reassigned to the snack shop. We served quick order breakfast, lunch and dinner. We specialized in ice cream cones, shakes and sundaes. We made salads and cold meat sandwiches. We worked in shifts. I remember one morning all of a sudden we had all these people wanting breakfast. They were all older couples. We were not equipped to handle such a large group. There were only about six tables with four chairs apiece and a counter with about six stools. So we had all these people and they all wanted eggs. They were from a tour that was supposed to eat in the dinning room upstairs but they didn’t want their big breakfast so the hostess told them to come down to the snack shop for just eggs and toast. I was on the grill that day and one of the ladies wanted one egg sunny-side up, the egg white had to be cooked completely but the yoke could not be cooked. It took a couple of tries but I think I finally got it right at least it did not come back.

Another time I had worked the early shift and had gone back to the dorm and went to sleep. I woke up and no one was around. It was getting dark and I thought it was morning. I was so disoriented. I thought I was late for work and was really upset. I called to the snack shop to tell them I was on my way but they didn’t know what I was talking about. I finally realized it was just evening of the same day and I was Crazy.

That summer I met a boy who lived in Orderville a small town on highway 89 on the east side of the canyon. I guess he liked me a little bit. We went on a few dates and I thought he was nice. For one thing he was taller than me.

One of the great things about working in the Snack Shop was I was able to meet more of the tourists. I loved talking to people from all over the world. They would come in for ice cream and sandwiches. I got really good at making shakes and malts. The gear jammers (bus drivers) would come in and flirt with us.

As the summer was winding down there were fewer tourist coming and we were shutting down for the winter. One night Tauna and I decided that we needed to go swimming. We climbed over the fence to the swimming pool and went skinny dipping. It was so cold.

The Lodge closed after Labor Day and there was still almost a month before school started. Tauna and I went to The North Rim of the Grand Canyon to work before they closed. That was only about three or four weeks. We worked at the Store and Cafeteria. The Cafeteria was about a mile from the main lodge and it was not very busy. I loved being there. It was quiet and Tauna and I would go for walks in the evening. She told me about wanting to go to California to be there when her missionary came home. We got it into our heads that we would go to California and get jobs and be there when he came home. We decided to go after Christmas that year. Tauna had written to his Mother and she agreed to put us up until we could find an apartment and jobs. We decided to go by train. Tauna did not come back to school, instead she went to live with her sister. We wrote back and forth and agreed that she would come back to Cedar after Christmas and then we would go.

I don’t remember too much about that fall in school. Dad had built a new house south of our old house and they had moved in that summer. It was across the street from the new Church that we had all worked so hard to build. Doug was home from his mission. Sandra and Kathy were married. My cousins Charlotte and Phyllis were married. I felt like an old maid.

Doug and I kind of hung out together. At some point he left and went to School at BYU. I don’t remember the exact time line.

In the fall of 1965, the Drama Club with the help of Fred Adams started making arraignments to go to New York during the Spring Break which was in March. We traveled by bus to New York and then spent four days in the City and then we traveled to Washington DC by train for a visit to the Capital, the Smithsonian and other historical sights including Mount Vernon. We had our picture taken as a group on the Capital steps with our Utah Senator Frank Moss.

While in New York we had Broadway shows lined up and also a trip to the Metropolitan Opera. We rode the subway, went to Sardie’s, for cheese cake, and the Empire State Building, took the Staten Island Ferry, ate at a deli and went to Church in an old Jewish Synagogue that had been sold to the Church. We went shopping at Macy’s, and walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. We spent a day at the Metropolitan Museum. We got a chance to met with Carol Channing after we saw her perform in ‘Gentlemen Prefer Blonds’. She gave us all a “Diamond Ring” just glass of course but still a fun souvenir. I kept that ring for years. I think I still have it. We attended the off Broadway production of ‘The Fantasticks’, it was so great to see how the professionals do it. After the show we got to met the cast and they teased us for knowing all the songs. We attended a taping of ‘What’s My Line’, and ‘The Ed Sullivan Show’. We were given a tour of backstage of the Ed Sullivan set. That was really cool to see such a huge stage. They told us that the more important a performer was the more elaborate their set would be. I wish we had been there when the Beatles performed but that was not to be. Besides being several years too late. We attended the ‘Easter Show’ at Rockefeller Center and saw the Rockettes.

Then from Washington DC we had to head for home. We stopped in Chicago for a change of drivers and a little rest. While we were there we went to the Museum of Natural Science. Then my cousin Lyona who was living in the Chicago area with her Husband met us at the Bus Station and brought me some homemade cinnamon rolls. It was so good to see her. The cinnamon rolls were to die for. I now realize it was real effort for her to come all the way into Chicago just to bring me those rolls. But they sure were welcome. Then we were off again. As we traveled further west the weather got colder and windier. The bus stopped in Omaha, Nebraska to change drivers. Then we got the news that the road West was closed and we would have to spend the night. We were all put back on the bus and locked in. The bus was in the terminal and the driver kept the motor running so that we could keep warm and we tried to sleep. In the morning we went into the terminal looking for something to eat. Tauna and I were talking about not having any money left and a lady heard us and offered us some money. I was so embarrassed. We told her that we were with a large group and we would be OK. Fred sent us all to the coffee shop and he bought us all some hot cereal if we wanted it. What a great experience. I was more than ready to get home but yet I hated to leave New York.

As I was writing about doing ‘A Midsummer Nights Dream’ and seeing Maurice Abravanel in the front row I remembered how much he had given to me as a young girl. Every year the Utah Symphony would come to Cedar City and play for the school children. I remember marching over to the College by classes to the Gymnasium to hear the Symphony. This was before the College built their new Auditorium. The Gym was a horrible place to hold a classical music concert but I learned to look forward to these concerts. Because Maurice Abravanel insisted on bringing this music to the children of Utah who would have very little opportunity to attend a symphony under the best of conditions. We got the best of what was possible.

Because of those efforts I learned to love music. I love Classical and Opera, Rock and Roll and Country, Blues and Jazz, I can’t say that I love Rap. I have a very hard time finding music in that.

As my kids began to grow, I tried to expose them to all kinds of music. I took them to the symphony and the opera and the ballet. I made sure they knew who the real truly great singers of my day were. The Kingston Trio, The Mama’s and the Papa’s, The Supremes, just to name a few. I tried to like the music they liked but I did not really like the hard head banging rock that they liked. Oh well every generation has their music.

The lodge at Zion Canyon closed after Labor Day. We were all sent home.

Back in Cedar I prepared to return to School.  Before school started Fred Adams asked me and my cousin Phyllis Buhannan to  dress up in formals and ride in a parade in St. George for Dixie Roundup, representing the College. That was fun. Then he asked us if we would go to Salt Lake to a Travel and Recreation show dressed in Shakespearean Costumes to promote the Festival. That was a blast. Our Job was to roam around all over the building and hand out literature about the Festival. I wore my Mid Summers Night Dream costume and Phyllis wore a costume made for Queen Elizabeth.

As the school year started I had been elected as Vice President of the Drama Club. Phyllis Davis was the President. Fred Adams was the Faculty adviser. We had meetings every week and planed all kinds of activities. We had a Weird Foods party, the idea being that since most of us were from small Utah towns we had not been exposed to much of the worlds cuisine. So everyone was supposed to bring something that they liked but that no one else had eaten. There were some rules you could not bring dog of cat food and it had to be eatable. It was lots of fun to see what everyone would come up with. One year I brought Porcupine Balls and another year I brought a pie with a hamburger crust with a rice filling. Not too weird but at least they were good.

One of the plays we did that year was ‘The Fantasticks”. Fred asked me to be his assistant director. I sat in on the auditions and kept the directors book with all the notes and stage directions. I loved being so closely involved. Then in the Spring we again did ‘A Mid Summers Night Dream’. Once again I was cast as Helena. It was so good to be in a play again. This time we took the play to the University of Utah. We put on the production for a Matinee and a evening performance. At one point in the play I had a short speech that I delivered as I sat at the front edge of the stage. As I was saying my part I noticed that Marice Abravanel, the conductor of the Utah Symphony, was sitting right there in the front row. Wow! a real celebrity. That was so cool.

How was school going? School? was I actually going to school? Oh yes, I did have classes. I tried to take a French class. What a disaster. I did try. I really tried. But I barely understood the elements of English and trying to learn another language was not to be. I was heavily invested into Drama Classes. But I was beginning to feel that I had no focus and I did not see any light at the end of the tunnel. I could not see where this schooling was going to get me. I had come to realize that I did not have the fire needed to be a working actress. I really wanted more than anything to be married and have a bunch of kids. That seemed to be a goal that did not seem to getting anywhere. Tauna was having the same feelings but we pressed on. Tauna was more into athletics than I was. She was in a water aerobics class. I took a swimming class and finally did a real dive from a diving board. I took a dance class and discovered that I really had two left feet.

By the first part of the year I had decided that I would apply to go back to Zion at the beginning of the summer. Tauna and I both got our applications in. Then we heard the news that the Lodge at Zion had burned down. Workers were doing some remodeling and repair work and a fire started and because of the remoteness of the lodge and since the building was made out of logs it burned to the ground. I was really sad it was a beautiful building. I think it had been built in the thirties. I had many wonderful memories of time spent with my family at that lodge and the big lawn in front. For several summers my Dads company would hold a summer picnic on the lawn in front of the Zion lodge. It felt like a part of my childhood had been destroyed. But we soon learned that the Union Pacific would rebuild and there would be jobs for the next summer.

As the end of the quarter approached the school had an Awards Ceremony. I got it into my head that I should be awarded the best actress award. When the nominations were put out I wasn’t even nominated. I was really hurt. My friend Phyllis Davis was given the award. I was really surprised she barely had three lines in one play. I knew than that if I really wanted to pursue acting I was in for a load of heart ache. I didn’t think I was strong enough.

School was over and The Summer of 1966 was about to begin. Hurray!